Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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