apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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