maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
