Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The beer is more important than you right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
