god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
