i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
