She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Never joke about your clitoris.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
