You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
