Acid is not a monday night drug
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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