You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
