It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize