i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
