I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
