Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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