If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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