that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
