bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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