Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I looked at my own cervix.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
