Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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