You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
