You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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