even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
