I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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