is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
