Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
