I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
