I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
