hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
