Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
