ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
