your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
