I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bring me that man meat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
