That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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