Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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