I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
