dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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