I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
