Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
