Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
