Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
