Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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