I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
