He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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