i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
