I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
