i just had sex bonerless
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
