would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
