it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
