Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
