I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
