Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
