onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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