Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
