Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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