Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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