i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
