I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize