May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
