well I can't set my house on fire every night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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