Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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