Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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