why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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