Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
