Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
