I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ttyl tear gas
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
