I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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