Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize