I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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