i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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